I never speak on trains... Headphones in, music on, eyes down, playing solitaire. That's me. That's everyone. Trust me on this - I spend a lot of time on trains.

Just now I was on the DLR with a very large and very confused group of American teenagers and their even more confused adult chaperones / teachers / whathaveyou.

It's not that hard to get to Bank on the DLR.. you just sort of get on and go to the end of the line. But I suppose it's confusing if it's your first time and you're in charge of a zillion teens and their very bad skin (seriously, didn't they pack fucking pore scrub?! Eew.)

I digress.

One of the women looked at me with that look on her eyes and I could just tell... She was going to talk to me.

Now, I'm happy to help. I'm a helper. Shit, call me Helpy McHelperson if you like. But I was faced with a dilemma.

See ... They were American. And I'm American. Which pretty much means after I give them the information they were after [just stay on this train and you'll get to Bank, I promise] they'd recognise my accent and ask me where I'm from.

From there, we'd go on to details of their holiday and how long I've lived here.. it tends to be a very wicked yet predictable spiral.

That's just too much talking. We do not talk to people on trains. We stare at those who do from a safe distance. We watch people who talk on trains with a wary eye while pretending to play Bejeweled. Talking on trains is wrong. Talking on trains in a loud American accent is even wronglier.

Anyway.. It was a tough split second mental debate.

But I'm glad I got them to Bank safely. Go team America.